Closure

Last week we made a trip to the Mountain House, that's five trips this year. It's hard for me to believe we have made that trip so many times in such a short span, but we did. Our trip last week will probably be our final one and one of the purposes was for Closure. Does "Closure" really even exist?

My husband wanted to pick up the split black walnut logs that were stored in the basement of his parents home. His grandfather and my husband had split those logs years ago back on the farm when he was growing up. The wood represents a memory for my husband of his grandfather and of times they spent together on the farm.

The house is empty now, the household goods sold months ago. The outside has been kept up and mowed regularly but the flower beds that they were so proud of, are weed filled and overgrown and the fountain they loved so much, hasn't been used in almost eighteen months. Everything is a shell of what it once was.

There has been so much the Lord has shown us through this process. The biggest thing is how fleeting life is. Everything you strive to obtain in this life will be picked over by perfect strangers and sold to the highest bidder or donated to wherever or just tossed in the trash. Think about that please! How much better it would be to invest in the eternal instead of the temporal. 

We were able to take some things that held memories. Things that wouldn't mean anything to anyone else or have any value to anyone but us, that have been a blessing and a comfort to my husband. Many of those things were from his grandparents farm and stored in an attic.

The Lord has used this and continues to use this event to shown me how desperately I need a Savior. Feelings and hurts that had long been buried came to the surface with each visit. Wounds that only Jesus could heal, sin exposed that Jesus stands waiting to forgive. It is a work in progress but our Lord is so faithful in our need for Him.

It's and end of an era of sorts. My husband has had family living in that little town for over a hundred years, they are now all gone. Nothing last forever except eternity.

The house will be on the market soon, as will the small farm with the falling down buildings my husbands grandparents owned. We were able to rescue a clump of daffodils from the farm last spring, I'm hoping to see them bloom next year, it will help remind my husband and Sweet Lady of their grandmother. I'm told that little piece of property looks nothing like it did years ago.

The one thing I want to emphasis is how FAITHFUL God has been through all of this.  There were so many "but God" moments. Things that happened that shouldn't have happen, grace upon grace upon grace was given to us. So even though it is sad to see this chapter close we know God is and has been directing this and will continue to do so, this we can be sure.

Sista Time

My middle sister and I have gotten close over the last couple of years, we talk or text nearly everyday. It has been a blessing to reconnect after so many years.

She had some time off and had made some plans to spend some time with us. We had been talking about it for months. I looked to see what was going on in the area, while she continued to reassure me all she wanted to do was to hang out together, weeding in the garden and sitting on the deck.

Then the week before she was due to come down her friend, who was also her way down, found out she had to work. The trip was canceled! I was really disappointed and my husband even remarked that he was bummed that she wasn't going to be able to come down.

Heres where things got creative, we knew we had to make another trip to the Mountain House, and we had scheduled the trip for Mother's Day weekend, why not go a week earlier and pick up sis on our way? I pitched the idea to her and she was game, we now had a new plan.

It ended up being a lot of fun for all of us. There was still quite a bit of sorting to do in the house. One of our goals has been to preserve any family photos or family items before the property goes up for auction.  My husband concentrated most of his efforts on going through HIS dad's shop while we "Girls" went room by room through the rest of the house, her help was tremendous.

It was a media free weekend (with the exception of watching our son play in a concert via the internet) We talked and laughed all weekend. Sister tried to talk us into moving into this Mountain House and for about 24 hours we considered it. We talked about how we could remodel it, checked the area for churches, scoped out stores in the area. The house has a beautiful view and I envisioned my sister living there with us. Long evenings on the porch talking and watching the deer.

We talked and we planned while we were sorting and packing, but as soon as we hit the bridge on our last leg home we knew we loved where we lived. We had friends and a church and a community we had become a part of. I'm not saying we would never move, if God directs us somewhere else we would pick up and go, but to move just for a pretty house in an area where we have no friends or family isn't enough.

This has been our fourth trip to the Mountain House this year, each trip a little different, each trip a time of relationship building, as odd as that may seem, but thats what sticks out to me the most about these trips. The first trip we reconnected with family members not seen in many years, the next trip it was about getting to know one of the neighbors, the next trip was with my youngest and the latest with my sister. I can see God's hand in all of these trips.

God has been faithful through all of this, protected us in so many ways. There may still be a trip or two (or three) still on the horizon or we may be done. Thanking God today for his mercy and goodness and the opportunities for relationship building he has provided for us through this Mountain House

Many Mercies

I had a moment in my oh too busy week and thought it would be a good time to reflect on how faithful God has been to us the last couple of days. Maybe it will encourage you as you are walking through something difficult.

I knew last week was going to be busy. I had a couple of appointments, a medical procedure scheduled and Sweet Lady was finally given a discharge date, it was for Friday.  When our Ladies Group met the week before I asked them to pray that I would rest in the Lord and trust him for all the details ahead of me and that I wouldn't be tempted to be anxious. That's my default when I have a lot of things going on at once. I left the meeting feeling encouraged and ready to face the week and the tasks ahead of me.

A couple of days later we received the call no one wants to receive. My Mother in law had passed away

The morning we received the news we spent it tying things together, rearranging some things, canceling others. Our Care Group Leaders stopped by to see what they could do to help, and to pray with us. It meant so much to us. It also gave us a chance to talk about how God had met us in other times of need, which helped to build our faith for the week ahead.

My mother in law lived a long life, she was 94. Her desire was to stay in her home, till the end of her days, she was able to do that. We were sad at her loss but thankful that she was able to live as she wanted.

My emotions are all jumbled right now. I'm amazed at the mercies God has provided during this time on one hand but still trying to process the loss. Sweet Lady was discharged Friday, so our schedules are going to remain full as we take care of her needs and multiple appointments that have to be made, a blessing in disguise.

They are both gone now and a chapter in our lives has now closed. I know the Lord will continue to be faithful and will have fresh mercies every morning.

A Dose of Truth

"With God "is no variablesness, neither shadow of turning" Whatever his attributes were of old, they are now; his power, his wisdom, his justice, his truth are alike unchanged. He has ever been the refuge of his people, their stronghold in the day of trouble, and He is their sure Helper still. He is unchanged in his love. He has loved his people with "an everlasting love," He loves them now as much as he ever did, and when earthly things shall have melted in the last configuration, his love will still wear the dew of it's youth. Precious is the assurance that he changes not."

Excerpt from C.H Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, Morning Nov1

Seasons change, our life circumstances change, the world around us continues to change. Isn't a comfort to know that the one who rules over all things never changes. I know this truth helps me as I face each day not knowing what's around the corner next! My life may be in constant flux but my God never changes, I can put my hope in this!

"I the Lord do not change"  Malachi 3:6

Thankful Thursday

It's hard for me to believe we are already almost into two weeks of August, summer is winding down for some, with school right around the corner.

It's been a busy couple of weeks for us, but each day there is something to be thankful for.

Quiet evenings outside after dinner. This has become kind of a routine for us this summer. We'll eat our dinner then sit and linger and watch the birds till twilight. It's been relaxing and a great way to "decompress" after work and attending to family matters.

For weather that has been absolutely delightful. Our Augusts are usually hot and humid, so the milder temperatures, have given us more opportunity to be outside.

We are thankful for an upcoming visit we will have with our youngest, it will be a short one but it will be nice to see him and hear all about his summer adventures.

My dad's continued improvement, he was able to be transferred to a rehab center today.

My MIL agreed to Meals on Wheels and is enjoying them, she continues to make progress as well.

I am thankful for the Lord's continued reminder to my husband and I through scripture, thru things that we read and even from teachings that we listen to that he is working thru all our circumstances. When I am weary, I am reminded that the Lord's strength is made perfect in my weakness 2 Corinthians 12:9. When things seem out of control, I am reminded that he rules every moment of every situation and he is always working things for our good and his glory. (Remember the story of Joseph) These are truths can give you peace no matter what things look like on the outside, and these are truths that have helped us thru this challenging time.

Take time to look thru the circumstances in your life, I'm sure you too can find things to be thankful for and areas where God is at work.

Quieting Your Heart

My heart is not proud Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with it's mother; like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.
Psalm 131

Are you feeling overwhelmed or a little bit stressed over events you see or are happening in your life? I only ask because it's where I have been tempted to go the last couple of days. 
Then I remembered Psalm 131 and decided to read it again, and again, and again. (I had listened to a teaching on it not too long ago, so it was still pretty fresh in my memory.) His Word quiets the anxious heart.

Because he is the Lord and I trust him, I will not try to figure out the why, I will not concern myself with great matters
Because he is the Lord and has always been faithful in all things, I will be content in whatever situation I find myself in. I will be like that weaned child with it's mother. He has all things under his control, all of it, I do not need to worry.  It may look like a mess from my view, but it's because I don't see the beauty tapestry he is weaving. Continuing to learn, to rest in him.

Thankful Thursday

Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits  Psalm 103:2

Even when circumstances are not ideal there is much to be thankful for

I have completed step two of a three step dental process. It was NOT something I wanted to do, it's inconvenient and not where I wanted to put finances at this time. (read...not in my plans for this year) but I can be thankful for a caring dentist, that the procedures have gone well so far (inserting the pins went really well Tuesday) and we did have the finances to get it done (the Lord even provided an opportunity for me to make a little extra money this past spring) And since the process is spread out over a nine month time period it has given us time to get extra funds saved.

Sweet Lady has made a wonderful transition to her new home. We have found the staff to be caring and the other residents to be delightful. After about two weeks we have begun finding her sitting outside on the porch again...something she had stopped doing at her previous residence and introducing us again and again to staff members. We are thankful for all the staff and our physician who helped make this move an easy one. There are other physical issues still to be dealt with but again we are thankful to our physician who is considerate of her needs and limitations.

My back has been "misbehaving" the last couple of weeks but I can be thankful for a husband who has been more than willing to "pick up the slack"  (and who offered to pick me up some "So Delicious Cashew Milk Ice Cream" when I couldn't chew the other day after my procedure, if you can't do dairy give it a try, it's pretty amazing)

I am thankful for the Lord's faithfulness in all circumstances. Even when things seemed to be going all wrong I can still find ways that he has blessed us or sustained us through it.  How about you, are there things you can be thankful for today?

God's Faithfulness

There are times I need to remember what God has done, to help me when my memory falters and my faith fades. This is what this post is all about. It's a testimony of God's faithfulness, his kindness and an answer to prayer. I 'm writing this today because I know down the road I will need to be reminded because I tend to forget when life gets hard. We need to constantly be reminded of God's truth.

I had an appointment with my oncologist this week, one I always dread, but this time in particular because last June when I saw him he told me in December I was going to have to decide whether I wanted to go back on some type of anti-estrogen drug. These drugs are used to help prevent breast cancer recurrence in estrogen positive tumors. They like you to be on these drugs at least five years after diagnosis with some doctors now suggesting up to ten years (my doctor is in that camp) I have been on a "drug holiday" for about eighteen months because I didn't tolerate the drug they had me on very well. Lots of side effects.

The oncologist mentioned a different drug he wanted me to try when I came back to see him in December, but first he wanted me to get a little healthier. If I decided I didn't want to take the drug, there wouldn't be much else he could do for me so I would be discharged.

Did I mention I have been cancer free for four years, with no evidence of disease recurrence.

December got here really quickly. I hadn't much time to think about it.

There wasn't a right or wrong answer, which for me made it all the harder. I weighed opinions, researched, talked to my husband and prayed. As I was driving up to his office I still didn't know what I was going to do. My prayer all the way there was a simple, Lord help me

You want to do what you can to prevent recurrence, but I was finally feeling well again. (and it has taken months to get to this place)

As it turned out I didn't have to be make a decision at all, I wasn't even asked. After evaluating how things had gone in the last six months, he told me that he felt going back on the drugs would not be a good choice for me. I would most certainly have side effects that would cause some of the same problems I was experiencing in the past. ( a silent thank you Lord). He had a natural alternative he wanted me to try, a supplement that has shown to have a mild aromatase inhibitor effect (anti-estrogen) He wanted me to continue with my anti-inflammatory diet (another silent thank you Lord) and to follow up in six months.

So lets see, I didn't have to make the decision, I was given an alternative treatment, and he wanted me to followup in six months, an answer to prayer on many levels.

I don't always see obvious answer to prayer like this, there are lots of things I am praying for that I haven't seen answers to yet. But this was a faith builder for current prayer requests and future needs, a reminder that the Lord continues to work in my life. He is faithful

You Never Know

We are friends with a couple that are going through some deep waters right now. We've known them for years, done a lot of life together, the good stuff and the messy stuff, shared laughter, tears and prayers. We recently reconnected after losing touch for awhile, then we heard he had a heart attack....we had just spoken to them days before...no warning...their lives were changed in a moment! Now they wait, but their trust is in the Lord.

This is not our story, but it has reminded me of our own dark valleys and how the Lord was always faithful. We are not asked to walk this walk alone, or endure things with our own strength...he said he would never leave us or forsake us

that in our weakness he would be made strong.

 "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness" Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities, for when I am weak he is strong.  2 Corinthians 12:8-10

I don't usually post videos, but this song by Matt Redman has been ministering to me since we sung it in church the other day, I just had to share it.

                                                                   "Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Impaired Vision

I have had my share of contact lens mishaps in the past, mostly minor stuff, things that make my husband shake his head (I would say in amusement but I think it's more in bewilderment) Things I have done... I have put the wrong lens in the wrong eye. You would think I would notice right away but I don't. I have gone an entire day with the len's reversed more than once. I have also managed to put two len's in the same eye....don't even ask how I did that and occasionally I may have trouble getting a lens out...then it's hubby to the rescue.

Had one such event the other night, I had a terrible time getting one of the contacts out. I messed with it until I irritated my eye so much that I needed to take a contact break for a couple of days. That means it's glasses for me because not only can't I see anything close without some correction, I now also need correction for distance.  Not being able to wear contacts makes putting on makeup a real challenge in the morning...but I made the attempts. I would look into the mirror and see a blurred image of myself, more than a little frustrating, but as soon as I put on my glasses things were clear.

You have to know where I am going with this, it's something that the Lord has been reminding me of for the last several weeks and I was reminded once again as I looked into that blurred image in the mirror. I don't always see things clearly, I don't always understand, I don't know what God is doing behind the scenes. My vision is impaired.

But here are some of the things I do know....I know that God is sovereign and that he is faithful and that I can trust him in all things....no matter what my "eyes" are seeing

Divine Appointment

Have you ever had a divine appointment? I had one of these today, I thought I was just going in for a pedicure, but God had other plans. I walked into the salon with a young woman, we sat side by side, as we got our nails done, she talked on the phone the entire time, I was mindlessly watching something on the television. She was busy planning a party, my mind was elsewhere thinking about an upcoming appointment. I don't think we even made eye contact. Doesn't sound very divine but it gets better.

She was finished first and went to the drying area, I followed soon after. Shortly after I sat down she began to talk to me, she thought she recognized me from church. I didn't know her but she was right, we did go to the same church. Our conversation started out fairly casual, we talked about which care group we were in, marital status, children etc...then before I knew it, we were talking about trials that we were experiencing, things we were praying for...we were deep down in the weeds and I'm not even sure how we got there...I didn't even know this person, but we had a common bond.

The thing is, we didn't just talk about the trials and struggles that were going on in our lives we were also encouraging each other in the things that we knew to be true of God. Oh how we need to be reminded of what is true, because we forget so easily. As I was encouraging her, it occurred to me that I needed to take hold of what I was telling her....Remember, he will never leave you or forsake you, he is faithful, he has a plan and a purpose and frequently you will not understand it, he wants us to lose our self sufficiency and be desperate for him...I needed this word as much as she did. 

The conversation continued for about twenty minutes, in the end I had a new friend, one I will look for next Sunday. Soon it was time to go, our nails had been dry for quite a while, we were done long before we left, but then you don't just walk out on a divine appointment.

Finding Peace

Life can be a lot like the weather, it can change very quickly, sometimes you have warning sometimes you don't. There are all the indications that a "weather front" is getting ready to move through our lives, I can feel the winds against my face. I am not sure what's ahead...but change is coming.

When thinking about all the different scenarios that could play out, I  remembered a song by Sara Groves that I heard a couple of years ago...I was reminded of the faithfulness of God in times past...he has always provided what I have had need of. My biggest need right now is peace for today and the days ahead...trusting he will continue to provide it. Thought I would share the words from that song that gave me so much peace tonight.


He's Always Been Faithful
Morning by morning, I wake up to find
The power of comfort in God's hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He;s always been faithful to me

Weekend in Williamsburg

We came back from a very relaxing weekend in Williamsburg yesterday. The weather was gorgeous the entire weekend, sunny and 60's and the trees were just bursting with color. We did some shopping,  touring in Colonial Williamsburg and then drove down Colonial Parkway and took some pictures. The little cottage was nice, perfect for our needs, we had no set schedule just went out when we felt like it came back to the cottage when we (me) were tired. Thankful for the opportunity to get away and it made things feel "normal" again.

New week started and more paperwork to attend to. I still need my physician to fill paperwork out to extend my FMLA, not sure that is done yet, now I find out I will also need more paperwork filled out saying I am OK to go back to work before I return. More calls to the doctor...UGH! I am also waiting for my oncologist to call back with results for my oncotype test. I had called his nurse this morning and they have results, in fact she had put in the mail this morning, surprised he had not called me yet! So is this a good sign or a bad sign? Finding it difficult to wait on others to take care of things...out of my control....again! Does this seem to be a reoccurring theme?

But then, if we really believe God has everything in his control, is it really people I am waiting on or is it him? Something to think about. So I will make my calls then I pray that I can just have peace to trust that the Lord has got this situation well under control.

I have been listening to a study on Habakkuk on "Revive Our Hearts" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss the last couple of weeks. It has been a great study and can be accessed thru her web site, it has challenged me and I hope to go through it again at my own pace (and with a clearer mind)

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/

The scripture that she ended with today really made me think.

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crops fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength, he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights"  Habakkuk 3:18-19

I had to ask my self if this was really true for me, especially when things weren't going according to plan or as easily as I would like. When tests results are not as I would like, when doctors are slow to respond, when I still wake up in the middle of the night because I am uncomfortable, when I find out there is yet more paperwork I have to have filled out. Do I still rejoice in the Lord, am I still joyful in God my Savior, or does all the things that we will deal with in life tend to steal that joy away. I am not always joyful, in fact I have a long way to go. What I am seeing is how easily my joy can be hijacked. Again seems to be a recurring theme in my life.... What I do know is my God is faithful, he will see me through, he is constantly there, helping me, letting me see things with new eyes, provoking me along the way.




Cute sign we saw at a coffee shop