Arimidex "Holiday" Continues

Spoke to my oncologists nurse practitioner and they want me to stay off my Arimidex for another week, sounds good to me. What they want me to find is a baseline...in other words..how would I be feeling without it. Reminding me that some of this joint pain could be age related...I had history of joint pain prior to cancer..all this true but the Arimidex has definitely increased it. Request is valid, asked me to keep a pain diary...what pain meds taking....how often...effectiveness etc. I haven't really figured out how to best take the pain meds..concerned over Taking too much tylenol and liver problems and not sure the best way to take ultram.Right now feeling pretty good...of course it has been 10 days since my last dose.NP not impressed over my concerns about Aromasin...says side effects similar to Arimidex..except Aromasin has a steroid in it that seems to help some women...I am not convinced...she says I read too much...probably true... the bottom line is they don't care what I take..."just realize you will need to be on this for five years and we don't want you to end up a crippled old lady" (was that comment meant to get my attention??) I told her I would continue to think about it..I am supposed to call her the end of the week let her know what I decide to do. I will probably continue with the Arimidex unless it starts to effect my mobility then I will change to the Aromasin. I would like to see if I can make a difference with going Gluten Free (she did not think it would help) and increasing my activity. There are so many factors to consider..I would really prefer being on none of this stuff but it's kind of my insurance policy... I will continue for now...quality of life does have to be a consideration...for now I am going to enjoy my break. On a more exciting note I have some photography opportunities coming up, chance to focus on something I enjoy, maybe learn a few things. That has been one of the goals I have set since my diagnosis....don't wait....do what you love...make the most of every opportunity.

It 's All About Perspective

I have been reading a book for the last couple of months that has really been timely in my life, given me much to think about and I believe God has used to help me get a better perspective on things.The book is"When Life is Hard" by James McDonald

This is a passage from the book, talking about God's goals during trials. "If you believe that God exists to make you comfortable, then you will find him very absent in your discomfort. If you believe God exists to make your life run smoothly, then you will find God very absent when your life hits a rocky patch. If you believe God exists to make you happy, then you will find God very absent when your heart is broken and your tears are flowing. But if you believe as the scriptures teaches that God's goal is to make you holy, then right in the center of your hardship, you will feel his arms around you. Through every intense heart wrenching moment of this trial, God's presence has and will become increasingly real. To have a right view of God, consider what he is doing in this trial. He's at work in your life even as a master craftsman works his art. You feel him at work like a house feels a carpenter; like a sculpture feels a sculptor; like a painting feels an artist---hammered, chiseled and brushed.

For me its an encouragement to know that God is doing something through my difficulties, it has a purpose, it is to help change me and to glorify him in the process. The bible says he is the potter we are the clay...reminder to self..I am not the potter.

"Yet O Lord you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are the work of your hand"
Isaiah 64:8

A Day Off

I have completed my first full week at work since back from vacation, and it went pretty well...I think I can do this. I have already been approached about increasing my hours temporarily until I go out for surgery in March, I was a bit surprised...my first response was to say sure, no problem, but I caught myself and made no firm commitment. This is how things happened in the past, I would "temporarily" increase my hours to help out...then it was just expected. I am proceeding with caution, now is just not the time...I know my limits. Plan today was to get my son's room cleaned out...pretty optimistic. I am easily distracted...did the linen ...saw a glass that needed to go to the kitchen..went downstairs...thought about dinner....took something out....while looking in fridge decided to clean it out a bit...realized had not had anything to eat yet....made breakfast/lunch....went backup stairs to get new linen.... linen closet a mess so decided to take some linen out we no longer use...soon 3PM and realized the only thing I had done with the room was the bed and I was ready for a nap. (I used to feel guilty about napping during the day....except Sundays...but no more!) I wish I could blame the cancer for this behavior but I have always been this way...I have a son who has the same problem...(I won't mention names but you know who you are) I am also enjoying my Arimidex "vacation". The joint pain I was having started to diminish about three days off the drug...knew there would be a difference but was surprised by how much. This will be short lived because I am going to have to go back on something soon. I have a script for Aromasin but I am even more concerned about it's side effects both can cause joint pain, fatigue, hot flashes, increase BP. Aromasin can also cause vertigo, increase tryglycerides and cognitive problems (do I really need that?) I am leaning towards asking my onc if I can just continue with the Arimidex, at least I know what to expect. I have read that a gluten free diet has been helpful for some women experiencing joint pain caused by Arimidex, think I may try that....certainly can't hurt. Praying for wisdom...God has been so faithful...trusting that he will continue to direct my path. These are such little things in light of things that are eternal.....that's what I have to remember.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you"

Psalm 32:8

Launching Our Youngest

Celebrating the "launching" of our youngest son today. Even though we have been empty nesters for a few years now, our youngest was a "bounce back" during semester breaks and summertime while he was going to school. Graduation was last December and he is ready to be on his own. The accident is a distant memory, and we have been able to see God working in the whole situation for all of our good...it has helped us continue to let go...and it has helped him learn to trust God.(most specifically in finding a car that met his needs in his price range) He is on his way back to upstate New York today (he went to school up there) and although he is not sure what he is going to be doing, he has plans...lots of "irons in the fire". We are praying that God would direct his steps....so many decisions ahead. As a mom I can watch and pray...asking the Lord to help me trust him with Matt's life...trying to remember God loves him more than I ever could.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight"  Proverbs 3:3-4

Endurance

Back from vacation...and back to reality. Vacation was where I was able to get up in the morning without an alarm, where I was able to rest when I was tired and where the most pressing decision I had to make was where I wanted to eat dinner. A distant memory to be sure. Wonderful break but it's not the real world. Now that I am home, I am feeling the weight of everyday life again. Finding myself easily tired, body reluctant to do what I want it to do, distractions of everyday life making their presence felt and staying active...well lets just say we only walked once since we came back....is this my new normal? Have been willing to see this all this as being allowed by God for his purposes and still believe that....but figured there would be an end point....right? And you know in all honesty...things are better than they were months ago...just not where I want them....and as I am typing it becomes crystal clear that my problem is I am not getting what I want.....it's all about what I want...not where God would have me...not being satisfied.....definitely not delighting in my weakness. My prayer is that I can get to that place again...to be content....that I will delight in my weakness...seek him more earnestly...and remember He has his purposes for everything in my life.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me"2 Corinthians 12:9