It's been a different kind of summer, with events coming at us so quickly, I have felt as if I was in a raging sea being overwhelmed by wave after wave of problems that I had no control over. We didn't know what the next day was going to look like and to say we had to hold any plans loosely was an understatement.
Let me give you a glimpse of what has been happening
It started with news that my sister was seriously ill and in the hospital, then before she was even discharged we received another call from my MIL that FIL was very ill, and we needed to come right away. We ended up making three road trips thru the mountains over a period of three weeks, driving a total of 2500 miles. Two different states, two separate crisis. We also learned during that time period that our son and DIL were hoping to make a move across country, if they could both secure jobs. Finally, there was the news that facility that Sweet Lady resides in will be closing and we will need to find her a new place to live.
Anyone of these issues alone would be difficult to handle, but all together has been more than I can manage. It's a hard place to be in, but a good place to be at the same time. We have had to trust the Lord in so many different things, not really understanding the why's of everything that is going on but knowing that He is in control and has a purpose and a plan. His strength made perfect in our weakness.
I was reminded by a dear friend, of mine of a comment I made at a ladies group several weeks ago. (prior to all of this happening) We were talking about faith. I had said that as I have gotten older my faith has grown stronger because I have seen God's faithfulness in past trials. It has built my faith for future difficulties.... I really didn't think I was going to have to put my words into action, so quickly and in such a dramatic way.
I wish I could say I have walked full of faith during this time, I have not. Anxiety, fear, doubt, grief, anger and selfishness are just some of the emotions that have plagued me these last few weeks. The Lord has been faithful though, he always brings me back to the truth of His word.
Things have settled "a little". After three weeks our suitcases are now unpacked, and we have been able to do a few normal household things besides laundry and dishes. Sister is better, but there is still a multitude of problems that in some way continues to effect all the family members. FIL has passed but leaves a 92 year old widow with little to no local support, at a days drive away we are the closet family. Son and DIL are still trying to move across country and Sweet Lady still needs to be moved but it looks like we have a place for her to go, at least for the time being.
I feel like it's been an "even if "month. I feel like the spirit has been asking me the "even if" question with so much of what is going on. Will you still praise me even if.......schedules get interrupted, kids move away, family dynamics never change etc. Am I all that you need, am I enough?
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior Habbakkuk 3:17-18