Sibling Visit

 I am a real planner, I don't usually do things spontaneously, to a fault sometimes. In recent years I have been trying to be more open, still have a plan, but try to be more flexible to opportunities that the Lord might have for us. These past several months have really tested my willingness to let go, and although it's been challenging at times, it's been okay. Well it's been more than okay, it's been a blessing

We had one of those last minute opportunities last week. My sister had taken a weeks worth of vacation to watch her grandchildren, then at the last minute, she found out that she wasn't  needed. Since she had taken the time off,  I suggested she come and visit me. I honestly didn't think she would take me up on the offer but she did and she she came with one of my brothers.

Our time together ended up being a lot of fun. We spent most days at the beach and my brother came prepared to cook for us every evening. When I say he came prepared to cook, I mean, he planned the menus and brought a cooler full of food to prepare. We were treated to crab soup, steamed shrimp and lobster (we love seafood) It was his thanks for our hospitality. We were blown away at how delicious everything was.

Another unplanned event was that our youngest son got a gig in town while siblings were visiting, so they got to visit with their nephew for an evening. (and hear him play with a local group) How sweet was that? Plans are good, and I'll probably never stop being a planner but being flexible can have it's benefits.

So how about you, any surprise visitors or unexpected trips this summer?

October Moments

October was quite the month for us. We were kept busy by things planned and unplanned. The two big events that were planned were a trip to see our Grands and surgery for Sweet Lady. Add a trip to the mountains to pick apples and another unplanned surgery for Sweet Lady and you have one hectic month.

Sweet Lady is out of the hospital and recovering but she is not able to go back to her home yet. It has been difficult for her and us but I have seen God's hand in so many aspects of this journey. She ended up staying in the hospital a bit longer than expected, physically she was ready to go sooner, but there was paperwork that needed done that kept her longer. The bonus in that little delay was, that it gave her more time to heal in the hospital setting and us peace of mind in making the decision on whether or not to travel to see our Grands.

I don't know what the days ahead hold concerning her care and recovery but, I will trust that God has got this, he was not surprised by this event. I heard an analogy in a sermon the other days that perfectly describes me. I wish I could remember who exactly said this but he was talking about how we all want a floodlight to see what's ahead of us, but most of the time God's gives us a lantern. Can you identify? He has given me grace for each day and the challenges that have been a part of that day. I trust he will continue to do that.

That was the hard part of our month but there was so much good. We were able to go to Charlottesville to pick apples, spend a couple afternoons in Williamsburg and make that long awaited trip to the Great Plains to see the Grands....The feet in above photo belong to my teenage Grand. There will be more photos of that visit in another post.

Well I've gone on long enough, here are some photos of our October Moments.

Finding Rest

I seem to always fight the desire to  understand why things happen a certain way. I want to know why people make the choices that they do, I want to know what God is up to in the hard places. If I only knew, perhaps it would be easier to walk through some of the more difficult days in life.

Then I  came across this passage the other day which spoke keenly to my heart, God's timing always perfect

"We think we would find it much easier to obey if we grasped all the details about why we are asked to do one thing or another. But this desire to understand is simply another form of the desire to control.. We want to have the option of signing off on God's plan, just in case there's something he overlooked. Yet at the same time we know we don't have the capacity to understand God's creation fully.We simply need to accept that the reasons God does what he does in our lives, or how our life fits into the whole of his grand redemptive plan, will never be completely clear in this life. That is why real rest and peace is not found in knowing and understanding. It is only found in trust, Only when you have a quiet confidence in the Lord behind the plan and have come to know his love, wisdom, power and grace, will you be able to rest in hope--even when you do not understand what God is doing in a particular moment in your life. This is exactly the experience expressed in Psalm 33:20-21
We wait in hope for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust his holy name"
Excerpt from Broken Down House, Living Productively in a World Gone Bad, page 58
by Paul David Tripp

Missing my grands

A Different Kind Of Summer

The last several weeks have been a blur for us, the days all seeming to run in together.  The dust is finally beginning to settle a bit and a new "normal" is beginning to shape up.

It's been a different kind of summer, with events coming at us so quickly, I have felt as if I was in a raging sea being overwhelmed by wave after wave of problems that I had no control over. We didn't know what the next day was going to look like and to say we had to hold any plans loosely was an understatement.

Let me give you a glimpse of what has been happening

It started with news that my sister was seriously ill and in the hospital, then before she was even discharged we received another call from my MIL that FIL was very ill, and we needed to come right away. We ended up making three road trips thru the mountains over a period of three weeks, driving a total of 2500 miles. Two different states, two separate crisis. We also learned during that time period that our son and DIL were hoping to make a move across country, if they could both secure jobs. Finally, there was the news that facility that Sweet Lady resides in will be closing and we will need to find her a new place to live.

Anyone of these issues alone would be difficult to handle, but all together has been more than I can manage. It's a hard place to be in, but a good place to be at the same time. We have had to trust the Lord in so many different things, not really understanding the why's of everything that is going on but knowing that He is in control and has a purpose and a plan. His strength made perfect in our weakness.

I was reminded by a dear friend, of mine of a comment I made at a ladies group several weeks ago. (prior to all of this happening) We were talking about faith. I had said that as I have gotten older my faith has grown stronger because I have seen God's faithfulness in past trials. It has built my faith for future difficulties.... I really didn't think I was going to have to put my words into action, so quickly and in such a dramatic way.

I wish I could say I have walked full of faith during this time, I have not. Anxiety, fear, doubt, grief, anger and selfishness are just some of the emotions that have plagued me these last few weeks. The Lord has been faithful though, he always brings me back to the truth of His word.

Things have settled "a little". After three weeks our suitcases are now unpacked, and we have been able to do a few normal household things besides laundry and dishes. Sister is better, but there is still a multitude of problems that in some way continues to effect all the family members. FIL has passed but leaves a 92 year old widow with little to no local support, at a days drive away we are the closet family. Son and DIL are still trying to move across country and Sweet Lady still needs to be moved but it looks like we have a place for her to go, at least for the time being.

I feel like it's been an "even if "month. I feel like the spirit has been asking me the "even if" question with so much of what is going on. Will you still praise me even if.......schedules get interrupted, kids move away, family dynamics never change etc.  Am I all that you need, am I enough?

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior  Habbakkuk 3:17-18

My Vegetable Garden

Every year we plant a vegetable garden, it usually consists of a few tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, squash and herbs, nothing big just something I can putter in and play farmer. My garden never produces enough to can (when we want to can we pick out at a local farm) but we have fresh vegetables through the summer and a little extra to share.

This spring it was looking questionable that we were going to get a garden in at all. Our spring was unusually wet, it seemed like every time we wanted to go out and dig the ground was too wet or it was raining

Then my back decided to go out...that hadn't happened in several years. In the past when my back went out it would "right itself "after about a week or so...not so this time, it took well over a month before it was anywhere near "garden ready" When I asked the doctor why it was taking so long...I heard something about being older...taking longer to heal...need to give it time...you know the drill...getting out there to plant a garden in time wasn't looking good.

Me with an ice pack wrapped around my back

My husband was helpful, he pruned my rose bushes and cleaned out the flower beds and probably would have dug up the garden and planted the vegetables but I really wanted to do it myself...did you detect any frustration here..when am I going to learn that I do not have control...not over the big things and not over the small things...but I digress

Anyway, he suggested we try containers...no digging involved, and with the way he set things up I had to do very little bending...cause that was a real problem

He put out two saw horses and set an old door on top...(this made everything at waist level), he filled the wheel barrow with dirt, set me up with some pots and I was as happy as can be. The cool thing about all of this is, my tomatoes have never done so well. Could be because of all the rain we have had, could be because the pots are close to the deck so I am constantly reminded to care for them...could be they are in nice amended dirt instead of heavy wet clay, maybe a combination of all three. Our squash is not doing as well but, I have high hopes...our growing season is long

We have been so happy with the results of our little container garden that I think we will be doing it again next year.

Object lessons learned here, when there are obstacles or road blocks in your path God just might have a better plan...and for me...something I constantly need reminding....I don't have control, not over the big stuff not over the small stuff...so relax...live like you really do trust in the Lord in all things (yup I really did get that from this)

And thank you to Vee for helping me get my little flower thing back on my "about me"

My Plan

My plan for this year, among other things, was to resume a somewhat "normal" life, one that did not involve what sometimes feel like endless doctors appointments. I had a routine followup with my family doctor the beginning of the month and it was quickly apparent that she DIDN'T get the memo about MY plan. As I had mentioned earlier she was insistent that I get a previously scheduled MRI done AND she had another specialist she wanted me to see. They got me in the next day....good sign..but it was in his office that I had my mini meltdown, I had my ideas on what was wrong he had his...I left the office in tears.

That was almost three weeks ago, since then, the specialist in who's office I had the meltdown has left the practice, I was informed of this a week after I had seen him. I was assigned a new physician and will be seeing him in February. My first reaction was...you've got to be kidding, why was he taking new patients if he knew he was leaving but, then I remembered my first visit with him and decided to see it as a grace moment.

About three days after THAT call, I received a package in the mail from yet ANOTHER specialist with paperwork I needed to fill out prior to my appointment. (in case you have lost count this is two new docs I will be seeing) This also arranged by my PCP,  I have to admit at this point it was getting comical....I get it, I get it, apparently MY plan was not God's plan for me right now. I would prefer the open highway, smooth sailing, no traffic. He instead has me taking the scenic route, the back roads, the slower speeds.

Earlier this month I was pretty upset, I wasn't getting my way, but as things continue to unfold, it's obvious that God is in this. This was not my plan, not even close, but I can have peace that it is His. Time to fasten my seat belt and take in the sights he wants me to see.

When It's Not Easy

Now that all the Christmas stuff is put up, the holiday feels like it is officially over. I am ready to get back to some sort of normal routine

I have noticed many of my favorite blogs are sporting new looks this year. Way to go guys, I have really enjoyed looking at all the new things you have done. I considered making some changes myself, but after looking through photos and different templates I decided to stick with what I have. Think of that old comfortable couch that you know you need to replace but you just can't bring yourself to let it go, that's how I am with this blog design but then change in general is hard for me, so should that surprise you?

The next couple of weeks are going to be busy, I have some annual appointments that I have been postponing since last summer and a routine MRI that I tried to talk my way out of... but was told in a very kind and compassionate manner..."just do it" The last couple of weeks have been a struggle with all things medical and it all boils down to this...things aren't going the way I want them to go...lots of bumps in the road...nothing major wrong physically, just lots of little things ... it has been a heart revealer. I still  want what I want, I want things to be comfortable and I want them to be easy. I would like people to respond the way I think they should respond....basically, I would like it my way please.

We all know that our way is not necessarily going to be God's way of doing things. After I had my mini melt down...right in the physicians office mind you... and spent the next day feeling sorry for myself, I remembered that fact. We know that right, that our ways are not always his ways, and we know that God is faithful, does all things well and uses all things for his purposes but when things don't go as planned it's a hard application. I will continue to trust Him though because I know these things to be true...just wish sometimes things could be easy....but that's not this life right?

Changing Roles

We recently had the pleasure of having our youngest son home. He was here for about three weeks, it was a time for him to "decompress",  visit with family, get some rides in and practice for the next gig. He is planning  to come back for a couple of days the end of August to join the family at a lake house...if that can happen I will be thrilled.

While he was home he was able to spend some time with his brother and we were able to arrange a family outing...something we have never been able to do because of various reasons.(schedules, commitments, finances etc) It was fun seeing the brothers "hanging" together...and the nieces and nephew loved spending time with their uncle.

With each visit home after my son moved out I would notice more and more of the child disappearing and more of the man emerging...I think this summer I noticed that the transition was complete, he is grown and well able to take care of himself. Note to self...mom if you haven't figured it out yet your role has changed! (actually it changed a long time ago)

As a parent of adult children I need to remember God has a plan for them, it may not look like my plan but that's okay because his plan is going to be better anyway. The training is done...don't look back, just as God is in control of my life he is in control of theirs too....really! I need to talk less, listen more and pray often....Am I always going to remember this...nooo... it's pretty hard not to voice my opinions, after all I have so many, but with God's grace I will learn how to adapt to this new role. A quote I read the other day pretty much sums up what we all should be doing when it comes to our children

"It didn't take me long to realize that I did my best parenting by prayer. I began to speak less to the kids and more to God. It was actually quite relaxing."  from A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller. I'd say that was pretty good advice

"My grace is sufficient for you , for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me"  2 Corinthians 12:9






                              

Life Challenges

The last couple of days have been challenging to say the least. I was amazing to see how quickly I could go from faith to frustration, from trusting God to questioning Him.  Every time I thought there was a plan it changed,  I like to have a plan even if it's not my plan....God wants me to stop trying to control things and trust Him...you would think I would get this already! I know it's a process

Control...it's an illusion...we don't have control over anything.

The good news is that Sweet Lady is safely home, discharged from the hospital today. She was anxious to get home and we were thrilled to get her out of the hospital We don't know what caused her seizures and may never know.

There has been evidences of God's grace...there always is if you look

• Sweet Lady did well in the hospital, the stay did not increase her confusion and she stayed safe, one of my prayers was that she would not fall
• She is back to her previous functional level, walked right back into the facility, said hello to everyone and told them she was glad to be home, no ambulance ride needed to get back

I am hoping that Sweet Lady settles back in quickly...but I realize things could change again.
Husband and I have talked about the last couple of days and all that has happened with his sister. Although Sweet Lady was the one directly effected, this event was also about us...God used it to show us things that still reside in the depths of our hearts....faithful to refine

His Plan

September is doctor month for me. I am still on an every three month schedule for my surgeon and oncologist. When the time rolls around for the appointments to happen we go through a little bit of anxiety in our house, is it because we don't trust God with our lives's? I do trust him, but with some things it's harder.  I know each one of you can relate to this on some level. We all have things in our life that are harder to trust God with than others.

So my two appointments are behind me, but I m not done yet. I have to have a repeat MRI, nothing new has been found, this was something they had recommended last June, I just didn't know about it, and it sounds like something I will be having done on a regular basis. Ironic because this was exactly what I was trying to avoid when I made treatment decisions last fall.

So meaning no disrespect, but the Lord and I have been having this conversation the last couple of days. I was down right honest about my fustration, dissappointment. What he has been speaking to me is this...You had your plan but this is the path I want you to walk. You still want control of this situation but I want you to trust in me.

So that's my life right now, oh and least I forget to mention they also want me to see an endocrinlogist and a gastroenterolgist sometime in the near future.

Like I said earlier we all have things in our live's that we find it harder to trust God with, mine just happens to be health issues. This blog won't dwell on what is going on with me physically, there is too much life happening that's far more interesting, but when he shows me something about myself as I walk this path I'll open the curtains to let you take a peek.

He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord  Psalm 112:7

These Days Of Our Life

Do you ever feel like life is coming at you so fast and furious, that you hardly have time to sit and take it all in? That has been our year. Life lesson seems to be "you know that control you thought you had, it was all an illusion"

We had a pretty ordered life, our kids were grown and out of the house, youngest was almost independent. Life was pretty ordinary. We used our off time to spoil our grand kids, putter around the house, get together with friends, we pretty much did what we wanted. We were pretty boring.

Then came cancer, that one was a  reality check. When you get a diagnosis of cancer you are faced with your mortality. Our lives stopped for a couple of months, everything was focused on getting through that. Cancer helped us gain a new perspective on things, you look at the choices you are making, you don't take things for granted. Oh how faithful the Lord was during those days, I felt his presence like I never had before.

Shortly after my second surgery, my dad got sick. He went from independent to dependent with mom the main caregiver.Things are looking better but it has been a long three months for him and my mom. Both are in their eighties, so why were we so surprised when something happened? There has been a positive outcome from this event as well. Siblings who had let too much time pass between communicating with each other are now talking on a regular basis.

Then there is "sweet lady", another whirlwind  event. She is moved into her new place, but the move has seemed to make her memory worse. I expected that, it's pretty normal. When you have memory problems routine is key.The move disrupted the routine she had gotten into at our house,(it took her two weeks to get adjusted to our home and that was with me constantly cuing her) it will take awhile for her to get into a routine again in her new home.

I went to see her yesterday and she was so confused, it made me sad. We sat and visited for awhile, talked about her day, she knew she had gone out to eat for lunch, but couldn't remember much more. We are all still in the process of adjustment. Haven't got it all figured out yet, trying to find our groove. She loves Dairy Queen, so frequent ice cream runs will be on the schedule, and church and lunch on Sundays. Praying the Lord will inspire us, show us ways to help her adjust.

So back to this thing about control. We don't have it, never really did. The events of the past year have  made this quite apparent to us. We have had to put our trust in the Lord, nothing else we could do. This is not a bad thing, takes the pressure off me.(again like I really had any control) Have I totally got it? no, this is going to be a life long process, letting go and trusting the Lord. I know my tendency is to try to fix it first then give it to the Lord. I am learning though, so, crazy year, yes, but it is a year the Lord has used to help build our faith and grow us spiritually.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul"  Psalm 143:8

Standing on a Firm Foundation.

Been thinking a lot lately, about everything going on in our lives. Crazy days to be sure, I honestly don't know what each day will bring when I wake up in the morning. One thing I can say for sure, God has been faithful. The circumstances in our life right now,  they might seem out of control to someone looking in from the outside but I know that God is in control, none of this was a surprise to Him, everything will be used for his purposes.

Our peace and joy is not dependent on our circumstances. So despite what everything looks like we are good. (not that we don't have our moments, we do, but we don't stay there) Our foundation is not shifting sand but a solid rock.

God's grace...sufficient. His mercies...new every morning.

So what's this post all about...just preaching to myself.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness"  Lamentations 3:22-23

A Work in Progress

This week has been full of ups and downs. Sunday was great, good message at church, annual picnic afterward...perfect weather! My youngest son called later to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. He didn't realize he was a week early, we had to chuckle over that one, it still makes me smile thinking about it, made my whole day.

We found out about a week ago this son will be going to school a little closer to home this fall. We are thrilled, it will be nice to have him four hours away instead of eleven.

Our garden is taking shape slowly but surely. We were able to plant some flowers yesterday before the rains came.

 So what's the down side of things this week....it's an attitude...mine. Focusing too much on limitations instead of blessings. Giving God my burdens one day then picking them right back up the next. Saying God is in control, then getting frustrated when I am not able to do the things I want to do.

So I surrender once again, leaving my burdens at his feet, trusting that I am right where God wants me to be and that his purposes will be fulfilled in my life. (in spite of my perceived limitations)

"Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need"  Hebrews 4:16

Trust

I am getting things ready for surgery next week. Yesterday was my last day of work for awhile and could not have been a busier week. Found out yesterday I was not eligible for FMLA this time because I did not work the required hours last year, had a little something to do with the fact that I was off seven weeks last fall.....no problem, my supervisor approved a non-FMLA medical leave of absence and I am done. No paperwork to file or followup on, really a blessing in disguise. The big question has been, so how long will you be out? I really did not have an answer. This has been my dilema for the past couple of weeks. I want to know how long this recovery is going to be. I asked my plastic surgeon last week and all he was able to tell me was, it won't be as bad of recovery as the mastectomy and you won't have drains. Well in my need to control my life this answer was not adequate, sorry, I wanted to know exactly, give me a time frame. My next step, the internet, I figured I would just "google" "recovery from exchange surgery" and see what would come up. This was a big mistake, I found everything from quick recoveries no problems, to horror stories, and of course, everything in between. Now I am not saying don't be informed but, I was "camping out" there and all it was doing was sowing seeds of anxiety. Then I listened to a podcast the other day, and to be honest I don't remember who was speaking, but the topic was on responding to "life events" and how our response to these events can depend on "what trough you are feeding from" The trough I had been feeding from the last several days was the internet, in an effort to know what to expect after surgery. My need to know the details wasn't helping me one bit, in fact I was worse than when I started. I felt the Lord just telling me to trust him, reminding me that he is in control, I am not, nor do I need to be. Can you imagine if we really knew all the details of everything ahead of us, I would probably be a basket case. No, we have a loving Father who gives us what we need when we need it, not going to give us more than we can bear and he is always by our side. Control and trust..you would think that I've been around this mountain enough times that they would no longer be issues but they are. I am still learning, the Lord still shaping and refining me, thankfully still changing me.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"  Romans 15:13

Fatigue

Feeling better physically, but oh the fatigue. I expected it somewhat, but not to the degree I am experiencing it. Showering and dressing are activities that can require a nap following and a trip to the doctor will wipe me out for the entire day. So I did expect some physical fatigue but the mental fatigue has been quite a surprise. Prior to surgery I had picked out books to read, thought I could do some photo editing, listen to teachings on my IPod etc. Ok, so I don't have the concentration for any of that. The biggest mental challenge I am up to is deciding which movie would be the best to sleep through. "Gone With the Wind" is a great one for that. I have seen it so many times no matter where I doze off, I can pick up the story line with no problem. "Sense and Sensibilities" another great sleeper. Used to doing, doing , doing,  most of the time doing more than one thing at once (I am a great multitasker), so this is pretty difficult for me. Hard for me to just sit in the recliner all day. I am trusting that each day will get better, knowing that there are lessons to be learned from every situation we find ourselves in, knowing that this is part of the journey for me. This is part of the "what I can control and what I cannot" lesson and how to be content in whatever circumstance you find yourself in. I pray the Lord will help me do that with each passing day.

Garden Lady

Beginning of a long weekend, seeing that it was wise to stay close to home. Busy day, running errands, seeing grandkids. Spent most of the afternoon in my garden. Long hot dry summer and breast cancer diagnosis has taken it's toil on my garden, it's so neglected. I bought some mums yesterday and lots of pansies. They will do well all winter long here. I also planted some bulbs for some nice little surprises in the spring. I just love watching bulbs pop out of the ground, it means winter is almost over. So my front entryway looks nice, cheery with lots of color. Have some pots in the back that I would like to fill as well. Pretty clear though, that I will not get everything done. My vegtable garden will probably not get turned under, the fall garden never happened, weeding, probably not. Again it's that letting go piece that is so hard. It's going to be very difficult to just sit back and let others take care of things for awhile, or to just let it go. I have already been told there will be no pushing, pulling, driving or lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk for a month. UGH!  Still trying to figure out how I am going to use my laptop, think it's heavier than eight pounds. Hubby working on bedroom, almost done, only baseboards left to finish. It's beautiful and will be a lovely place to recover. He has worked so hard on it for me :) I continue to find great peace in yesterdays scripture, Isaiah 41:10, has been a turning point for me. Church tomorrow then who knows, promises to be another beautiful fall day.

Date Set

Recieved a call from surgeons office this morning, at work no less, and they have set a date. I am scheduled for surgery October 13th. OK, so this took me totally off guard. What happened to the end of the month??? I was ready for the end of the month, but next week, .....I don't think so. Control again out the window. Everytime I think I have a little control over something, it has become painfully aware that I am not. This whole thing has been so out of my control. They set up the appointments with the consulting doctors, the testing schedules, and now surgery, you are just told when to be there. Well they do ask you if it's OK, but you know that you don't really have a choice. So what now? Well I have an appointment with plastic surgeon on Thursday and the surgeon on Monday. Coffee with a friend on Friday, another friend wanted to meet for coffee sometime this week. Grandkids tomorrow night. Maybe a getaway this weekend with hubby. Housecleaning has been moved to the oh well category. Bedroom has to be finished and put back together. Again focusing on what is important and what is not. Trying to remember that although this has caught me by surprise, it did not catch God by surprise. Something I wrote down yesterday from our sermon on  Mark 4:37-41 "The storm was beyond man's control, why are you afraid, you forgot the word, you didn't see his presence in the boat as being sufficient"This storm is definately out of my control, I have to get back to the point where his being present in the boat with me is sufficient.

Preparation

Well it looks like sugery won't be until the end of the month. I don't even go back to see the surgeon until the 14th of October. Hard to wait now that I am ready but gives us some time to prepare. We had planned on doing our bedroom floor this winter but decided to move that project up. My sweet husband has been working so hard to get that finished. I get to use the table saw! I have gardens to weed, flowerbeds to plant, a house that needs a good cleaning, closets to straighten, meals to freeze. Did I mention I am still working? Anxiety creeping in. Have to remember what's important, this is a time we could also use for enjoying the fall weather, taking a little getaway to Williamsburg, or the Outer Banks, biking at the beach, having a sleepover with the grandkids. The floor will get done. Things that have to get done will be done, if not by me, by someone else. I am going to have to let go. 
"When anxiety was great within me, your consulation brought joy to my soul" Psalm 94:19