Where God Has Me

"Trust the boundary lines God has given us"

When our Pastor made this statement during the sermon yesterday, it made me stop and think. I made a big flashy star in my journal next to the statement and pondered it all day. 

What was it about that statement that resonated in my heart? Well just 20 minutes prior I had watched two little children run up to a friend of mine and hug her around the neck, obviously excited to see her. They were her grandchildren and I knew she spent time with them several times a week, I wanted that too.

Now I'm not saying it's wrong to want something, but I know in my own heart, there has been a lack of satisfaction in the situation the Lord has placed me in, the "boundary lines" he has provided for me.

By longing for what I do not have I am missing what I have been given. I continue to look back on the road I have traveled, longing for once was, instead looking forward to the journey he has me on today, and missing, in the process, the things he has for me now.

Praying that the Lord will help me embrace the "portion" he has for me today and the "boundary lines" he has given me.

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup, you hold my lot. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance  Psalm 16:5-6

Distracted

The last several months have been busy for us. There have been way too many trips to the Mountain House, with at least one more that I know of in our future. 

The de-cluttering in my house has stopped temporarily, while I sort through the boxes of things we brought home from the last rip to the  Mountain House, a task that has taken more time than I thought it would. I feel like this is a job I need to tackle because there will be more things coming to our house with the next trip.

Instead of being focused on a task I am finding that I am quite distracted. I have so much to do I'm not even sure where to start. I used to have a system, certain days for certain chores, let me tell you that system seems to have gone out the window in recent weeks. For someone who has control issues, like me, well it's been hard to let go.

I'm in the process of learning a new way again, letting go of the unnecessary, trying to be sensitive to the Lord's leading for my days, even if it wasn't in my plans. (especially if it wasn't in my plans)

Welcoming The New Year

I suppose it's natural to do some reflection at the end/beginning of the year. I've done it time and time again, this year being no different. Our life continues to change but the loss I had been feeling so acutely with our grandchildren moving so far away has mellowed some. I still miss them but, there is face time and visits to look forward to.

There have been years when I had some pretty specific ideas on what I wanted to accomplish in the upcoming year. This year I've been hard pressed to come up with any specific goals. We've been in a holding pattern with a few things so, it's been hard for me to think beyond that.

Some basic things I'm hoping to continue is to clean out and reduce the clutter in our home, it seems to be an ongoing thing. There's some progress that's been made, but we've been in this home for almost twenty years, and that's a lot of time to acquire stuff. I have a full garage as proof of that last statement! Plus we have acquired things from other people and I still have a ton of toys that I would keep for when the grands would come to visit. I've purged about half but I need to do more. My youngest son helped with this process by going through some of HIS boxes that still had a home in an empty bedroom. We ended up eliminating three more rubbermaid containers...hooray! (there are still a few more he has to go through)

I thought about trying out a new Bible Reading Plan, this linked one looked interesting. I will probably only use it as a guide though because we are also doing BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and that has reading requirements as well. I don't think there's one Bible reading method better than another but I do think it is so important for believers to be saturated in his Word. Now is the time to know what you believe and why.

So basically we are trying to simplify our home, lighten the load as it were, continue to draw near to the Lord as wait to see how some events that have us in this "holding pattern" are going to unfold.

That's what we are looking at doing in the year ahead, what about you, what kind of things are you looking to do in the New Year?

Thankful Thursday

Another week has flown by, I mean flown by.

Sweet Lady has reached day twenty at the Rehab (see what I mean by flown by) and there was a question earlier this week as to whether her secondary insurance would cover her co pays after she reached day twenty. Almost twenty days and the facility had not been able to get an answer from insurance company. (to their credit they had been trying)

When the Business Office broke the news to me and informed me of what the daily costs might be, I felt a little sick to my stomach, with my mind racing trying to figure out a plan. The lady in the business office had arranged a meeting with the therapist later that afternoon, so I could get an idea on Sweet Lady's progress, she then told me to go home and get some lunch, she assured me they would continue to try to get in touch with insurance company.

I prayed and strategized all the way home. Sweet Lady didn't seem ready to go back to her place.... would we need to hire someone to help her getting ready in the mornings and at night....would I need to go over twice a day to help her... or maybe the best plan was to let her stay at the Rehab even with the costs. I didn't know what to do and finally gave it totally to the Lord. My prayer was simple, Lord you know what she needs, help me to trust you no matter what the outcome. I had peace as soon as I gave it to the Lord, I didn't need to strategize anymore.

I drove back to the Rehab after lunch for my meeting with the therapist and before I could even park the car I got a call from the Business Office....they had heard from the insurance company and the copay would be covered. Thank you Lord!!!

So that's my "little" contribution to Thankful Thursday. I am thankful the Lord answered my prayer in the way that he did, but even if had not, I believe he still would have provided for her needs.

What about you, what have you to be thankful for this week?

October Moments

October was quite the month for us. We were kept busy by things planned and unplanned. The two big events that were planned were a trip to see our Grands and surgery for Sweet Lady. Add a trip to the mountains to pick apples and another unplanned surgery for Sweet Lady and you have one hectic month.

Sweet Lady is out of the hospital and recovering but she is not able to go back to her home yet. It has been difficult for her and us but I have seen God's hand in so many aspects of this journey. She ended up staying in the hospital a bit longer than expected, physically she was ready to go sooner, but there was paperwork that needed done that kept her longer. The bonus in that little delay was, that it gave her more time to heal in the hospital setting and us peace of mind in making the decision on whether or not to travel to see our Grands.

I don't know what the days ahead hold concerning her care and recovery but, I will trust that God has got this, he was not surprised by this event. I heard an analogy in a sermon the other days that perfectly describes me. I wish I could remember who exactly said this but he was talking about how we all want a floodlight to see what's ahead of us, but most of the time God's gives us a lantern. Can you identify? He has given me grace for each day and the challenges that have been a part of that day. I trust he will continue to do that.

That was the hard part of our month but there was so much good. We were able to go to Charlottesville to pick apples, spend a couple afternoons in Williamsburg and make that long awaited trip to the Great Plains to see the Grands....The feet in above photo belong to my teenage Grand. There will be more photos of that visit in another post.

Well I've gone on long enough, here are some photos of our October Moments.

The Story Continues

I mentioned in my last post that there was a "bump in the road" in Sweet lady's recovery from her surgery. Days before we were scheduled to fly out to see our grandchildren, she had to be readmitted to the hospital and a second surgery done....we were devastated.

When things like this happen, I find myself looking for what God is doing, holding fast to Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

That particular scripture, plus the belief I have that God is sovereign over all things gave me comfort. I knew that this did not come as a surprise to God and that he was going to use it for his purposes. Regardless tears were shed. My head knew truth but my heart was disappointed.

I questioned what the God was trying to teach me through it all, was it that I hold "my plans" with a clenched fist and I needed to release them. (I still like control) Would I be willing to do that? (in this case the plans were to see the Grands) It was tough, my husband and I talked about one staying home and the other going, but in the end we decided either both go or both stay home.

Sometimes God lets you see his purposes right way, sometimes you may never understand. I still don't understand the whys to all of this but there are good things I can report

We were home and able to take care of all the details, like getting her to doctor, getting her to the hospital she had her first surgery done at and talking to discharge planner at the hospital. We also were able to make plans about what would happen after she was discharged from hospital. 

We knew she would be well taken care of and the timing of the second surgery was such that we could be there for her and still go and see our Grands. (we made the decision to go hours before we were scheduled to leave) 

This is not the end of the story, Sweet Lady is still in the process of healing and there is going to be some recovery time, the future is uncertain, as it is for all of us. Taking one day at a time for now, holding on to Romans 8:28

A Bump in The Road

Things were progressing smoothly, then they weren't, we hit a bump in the road, in Sweet Lady's recovery from her surgery.

I had been praying about the situation for a couple of days now, trying to trust the Lord. We had plans and this set back was threatening to cancel those plans. When talking with friends on Sunday it was hard for me to ask for prayer without dissolving into tears. I was prayed for and reminded by others of what was true according to his word. I left church encouraged with those truths

Oh dear saints, when you are discouraged or disappointed run to his word, run to Jesus. In his word you will find life, hope, and have your focus reoriented. 

Reminder: His plans are always better than our plans, he faithfully walks with us through every disappointment, this problem did not take him by surprise, and he is sovereign over all things and circumstances

The good news is, we were home to handle the details that needed to be taken care of to begin to remedy the problem, had we been out of town, it would have been a logistical nightmare.

It's a story in progress, or as I have been told in the past, a future testimony we are walking out.

*I wrote this post about a week ago and much has happened since then. God has faithfully met us in many ways in the last and I have much to report* 

Thankful Thursday

It's hard for me to believe we are already almost into two weeks of August, summer is winding down for some, with school right around the corner.

It's been a busy couple of weeks for us, but each day there is something to be thankful for.

Quiet evenings outside after dinner. This has become kind of a routine for us this summer. We'll eat our dinner then sit and linger and watch the birds till twilight. It's been relaxing and a great way to "decompress" after work and attending to family matters.

For weather that has been absolutely delightful. Our Augusts are usually hot and humid, so the milder temperatures, have given us more opportunity to be outside.

We are thankful for an upcoming visit we will have with our youngest, it will be a short one but it will be nice to see him and hear all about his summer adventures.

My dad's continued improvement, he was able to be transferred to a rehab center today.

My MIL agreed to Meals on Wheels and is enjoying them, she continues to make progress as well.

I am thankful for the Lord's continued reminder to my husband and I through scripture, thru things that we read and even from teachings that we listen to that he is working thru all our circumstances. When I am weary, I am reminded that the Lord's strength is made perfect in my weakness 2 Corinthians 12:9. When things seem out of control, I am reminded that he rules every moment of every situation and he is always working things for our good and his glory. (Remember the story of Joseph) These are truths can give you peace no matter what things look like on the outside, and these are truths that have helped us thru this challenging time.

Take time to look thru the circumstances in your life, I'm sure you too can find things to be thankful for and areas where God is at work.

Quieting Your Heart

My heart is not proud Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with it's mother; like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.
Psalm 131

Are you feeling overwhelmed or a little bit stressed over events you see or are happening in your life? I only ask because it's where I have been tempted to go the last couple of days. 
Then I remembered Psalm 131 and decided to read it again, and again, and again. (I had listened to a teaching on it not too long ago, so it was still pretty fresh in my memory.) His Word quiets the anxious heart.

Because he is the Lord and I trust him, I will not try to figure out the why, I will not concern myself with great matters
Because he is the Lord and has always been faithful in all things, I will be content in whatever situation I find myself in. I will be like that weaned child with it's mother. He has all things under his control, all of it, I do not need to worry.  It may look like a mess from my view, but it's because I don't see the beauty tapestry he is weaving. Continuing to learn, to rest in him.

He Is The Author

"Your story isn't a autobiography either. Your story is a biography of wisdom and grace written by another. Every turn he writes into your story is right. Every twist of the plot is for the best. Every new character or unexpected event is a tool of his grace. Each new chapter advances his purpose" 

Excerpt from "New Morning Mercies" by Paul David Tripp...July 21st

"Whoever is wise, let him understand these things; whoever is discerning, let him know them, for the ways of the Lord are right"
Hosea 14:9a

This an ongoing thing for me, I need this reminder everyday. Actually I need this reminder several times a day, specifically when events take a detour from what I expected.  I think I hold things loosely, but the Lord shows me, on a pretty regular basis that this isn't true. 

Help me remember Lord, your way is always better than mine.

Needed Reminders

Question:
What is your only comfort
 in life and death?

Answer:
That I am not my own
   but belong with body and soul
   both in life and in death
   to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.
He has fully paid for all my sins
   with his precious blood,
   and has set me free
   from all the power of the devil.
He also preserves me in such a way
   that without the will of my heavenly Father
   not a hair can fall from my head,
   indeed, all things must work together
   for my salvation.
Therefore, by his Holy Spirit
   he also assures me
   of eternal life
   and makes me heartily willing and ready
   from now on to live for him

from the Heidelberg's Catechism-The Lord's Day 1

This may seem like a random post, but these were words really spoke to my heart the other day. I bought a book by Elyse Fitzpatrick several years ago called "A Steadfast Heart" included with the book was a CD with readings from scripture, poems, prayers and a couple of songs. I was running errands yesterday and decided to listen to that CD. (I've listened to it before but it's been awhile)

I probably let that CD loop four or five times and this reading was the one that keep getting my attention. I heard "I am not my own" "not a hair can fall from my head, indeed all things must work together for my salvation" "he assures me of eternal life" over and over. There is something to be said about hearing something repeatedly....I was listening

It had been one of those days, I was feeling a little overwhelmed with everything I had to do, add to that a little self pity and you get the picture...not pretty.  Listening to this reading helped me take my focus off what was driving my emotions. It was a reminder that my days are in his hands, even when I feel like they are out of control. It was a reminder that he was working every situation for my good. 

Thankful Thursday

It's been another quiet blogging week for me. Life has been busy with routine things that needed to be done. Throw in a bad tooth and a misbehaving back and you get a quiet blogging week.

Things are settling down, back is better and tooth is *in process* Almost everything on my to do list for this week has been done, with the exception of Sweet Lady's laundry so thought it would be a great time to stop and reflect on the many things I have to be thankful for this week.

I had jury duty this month. In our region you are on call one day a week for a month. I found out I had to go in one day this week.  I really didn't want to do it, my tooth was bothering me as was my back. I called and found out I could have gotten excused but was informed, I would have to serve again another month this summer. I decided to go in. I was there long enough to go through orientation and see the video, we were then told we were free to go home there was no longer going to be a trial. Because I went in, it counted as service. This was a huge blessing

I was able to get a physical therapy appointment on short notice. He was able to figure out why I was in such pain with my back and correct the problem.

We had youngsters in the house for a couple of days. It has been so much fun interacting with these little boys.  Their family has been part of our Care Group. They are moving out of the area and have blessed us with staying in our home during their "pack out"

New recipes for our winter CSA

I was able to get an earlier appointment for the tooth that has been driving me to distraction. The last week or so has been bad. Again I am thankful for the kind staff and compassionate dentists that were willing to *work me in* I was originally scheduled for the 3rd of February. This has been a long process and it's going to take several more months before we can call it done.*Expect to see more soup and smoothie recipes in the future* Just sayin!

A harder week than most, and I could easily focus on how bad this week has been. But in the midst of all of it I can see God's mercies, and grace. I can see how he worked out many of the details in the difficulties and how gave us little gifts along the way in the form of laughter and phone calls from loved ones far away.

Life is hard sometimes and it's easy to get swept away in it all, it's easy to get discouraged, believe me I've been there a few times this week, but I belong to him and I know he is working good in my life through my circumstances.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those, who love him, who have been called according to his purposes Romans 8:28

I believe this to be true

Reflections On 2014

This past year was one of changes for us, lots of them. A friend who was also going through some changes this year shared this quote with me from Corrie ten Boom

"Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open"

I have felt like the Lord has been prying my fingers one by one off of many of the things I've held onto tightly the last several months. Things like people, traditions, relationships, goals, different "things" and even a season of life.

There have been some painful moments, as those fingers have been pried open, but I'm not holding on as tightly to some of those things anymore, as I used to, and perhaps one day I will be able to hold all things with open hands. (and keep them open) It's a process for me, I tend to try to grab back things I have previously let go, but the sweet spirit of the Lord always gently reminds me to once again, open my hands and trust in him. He wants us to cling to him instead of the other things we hold so tightly.

It has been a year of challenges and disappointments but also one with opportunities, lots of opportunities. And lest I end this on a negative note, despite our difficult days, God has richly blessed us this year, we have much to be thankful for and are focusing on that today.

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in truth and teach me, for you God are my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.. Psalm 25:4

God's Faithfulness

There are times I need to remember what God has done, to help me when my memory falters and my faith fades. This is what this post is all about. It's a testimony of God's faithfulness, his kindness and an answer to prayer. I 'm writing this today because I know down the road I will need to be reminded because I tend to forget when life gets hard. We need to constantly be reminded of God's truth.

I had an appointment with my oncologist this week, one I always dread, but this time in particular because last June when I saw him he told me in December I was going to have to decide whether I wanted to go back on some type of anti-estrogen drug. These drugs are used to help prevent breast cancer recurrence in estrogen positive tumors. They like you to be on these drugs at least five years after diagnosis with some doctors now suggesting up to ten years (my doctor is in that camp) I have been on a "drug holiday" for about eighteen months because I didn't tolerate the drug they had me on very well. Lots of side effects.

The oncologist mentioned a different drug he wanted me to try when I came back to see him in December, but first he wanted me to get a little healthier. If I decided I didn't want to take the drug, there wouldn't be much else he could do for me so I would be discharged.

Did I mention I have been cancer free for four years, with no evidence of disease recurrence.

December got here really quickly. I hadn't much time to think about it.

There wasn't a right or wrong answer, which for me made it all the harder. I weighed opinions, researched, talked to my husband and prayed. As I was driving up to his office I still didn't know what I was going to do. My prayer all the way there was a simple, Lord help me

You want to do what you can to prevent recurrence, but I was finally feeling well again. (and it has taken months to get to this place)

As it turned out I didn't have to be make a decision at all, I wasn't even asked. After evaluating how things had gone in the last six months, he told me that he felt going back on the drugs would not be a good choice for me. I would most certainly have side effects that would cause some of the same problems I was experiencing in the past. ( a silent thank you Lord). He had a natural alternative he wanted me to try, a supplement that has shown to have a mild aromatase inhibitor effect (anti-estrogen) He wanted me to continue with my anti-inflammatory diet (another silent thank you Lord) and to follow up in six months.

So lets see, I didn't have to make the decision, I was given an alternative treatment, and he wanted me to followup in six months, an answer to prayer on many levels.

I don't always see obvious answer to prayer like this, there are lots of things I am praying for that I haven't seen answers to yet. But this was a faith builder for current prayer requests and future needs, a reminder that the Lord continues to work in my life. He is faithful

Finding Rest

I seem to always fight the desire to  understand why things happen a certain way. I want to know why people make the choices that they do, I want to know what God is up to in the hard places. If I only knew, perhaps it would be easier to walk through some of the more difficult days in life.

Then I  came across this passage the other day which spoke keenly to my heart, God's timing always perfect

"We think we would find it much easier to obey if we grasped all the details about why we are asked to do one thing or another. But this desire to understand is simply another form of the desire to control.. We want to have the option of signing off on God's plan, just in case there's something he overlooked. Yet at the same time we know we don't have the capacity to understand God's creation fully.We simply need to accept that the reasons God does what he does in our lives, or how our life fits into the whole of his grand redemptive plan, will never be completely clear in this life. That is why real rest and peace is not found in knowing and understanding. It is only found in trust, Only when you have a quiet confidence in the Lord behind the plan and have come to know his love, wisdom, power and grace, will you be able to rest in hope--even when you do not understand what God is doing in a particular moment in your life. This is exactly the experience expressed in Psalm 33:20-21
We wait in hope for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust his holy name"
Excerpt from Broken Down House, Living Productively in a World Gone Bad, page 58
by Paul David Tripp

Missing my grands

A Time Away

My husband and I  needed to get away, the last several months have been taxing both physically and emotionally for both of us.

I was afraid when our son and family moved away that there would be this huge void left in our lives, that days would be empty and without purpose. That hasn't been the case, in fact there are times I think that the Lord allowed this change in our family, so that our time could be freed up for other purposes. Make no mistake, I miss them terribly but, I see the good in the difficult. God has given us much grace during this time. The ways we have been shown love through the kindness of others is a post in itself. We are truly blessed, but still, physically and emotionally exhausted, so we decided to take a little trip.

We went to the mountains hoping to find some fall color and pick some apples. It was a short excursion but long enough to recharge our batteries. The weather was foggy and rainy but it didn't matter, we had time alone. We had a chance to window shop, play a board game, and share our hearts. We needed to talk to each other without the distractions of everyday life. We grieved a little, shared our hopes and dreams for the future, and debated on what God's purposes were in everything that is going on in our lives right now.

A truth we need to take hold of,  we may not understand God's purposes in the difficult, but we can trust that He is good and His purposes are always good...always, and he will give grace in the difficult

We also picked apples, a lot of them.  We've done this before, so we came prepared with rain gear and boots. It was a good thing, because the orchards we muddier than they were last year (it had been raining for the last several days) and even though it really didn't rain the day we picked, we stayed wet because the fog never lifted.

Now, you had the option, of buying the apples at the Apple Barn, or hiking up the slippery hill and picking them yourself. I wanted the experience of picking the apples (you knew that right?) and my sweet husband was happy to oblige. Going up the hills wasn't too bad, it was the coming down that made me a little nervous. I brought a change of clothes  in case someone got too muddy, but thankfully the only thing we had to change was our shoes.

After our apple picking was done we headed to the Apple Barn for some Hot Apple Cider and warm Apple Cider Donuts, something my husband looked forward to after a challenging trek through the orchard.

We were hoping we would come home refreshed, and we did. Our little night away didn't change our circumstances, but it was a means of grace that the Lord gave us is walking through our "difficult".

Still Adjusting

It's been almost three weeks since my son and his little family left for what my DIL calls "Frontier Land" There is no home delivery of mail yet, (they have to go to the post office to pick up their mail) no Internet and a much slower pace of life,  but they are adjusting. I am trying to adjust as well. The first couple of weeks after they left were pretty busy, because we had agreed to "tidy up" their house so it could be rental ready by the first of the month. Our aching and not so young backs and joints are very thankful for the young, efficient, talented help we received in getting that task accomplished

Now that we are done with that house,  I'm trying to figure out what normal looks like,again and I have to admit, it's been hard trying to find my bearings. We have been Empty Nester's for almost a decade now, I'm not sure why I'm having such trouble sorting this all out,  but I am.

We only saw the grandchildren a couple of times a week but our house and our schedules, to some extent, were geared towards them. Our room over the garage was their playroom, with playhouse, kitchen, vanity, grocery cart, stroller and toys filling the room. Another closet was dedicated to kids toys and part of our garage had bikes and outdoor toys for them to play with when they came to visit.
Since they frequently spent the night,  it seemed every room in the house had something of theirs in it.

Since we decided we would host our small group in our home, our first order of business needed  to be clearing out the playroom and closet. Thank goodness my DIL sister came over to help, she had less emotional attachment to the stuff than I did and helped make quick work, of what, if done alone, would have been a long process. We end up donating some, piled some up for a future yard sale and shipped some forgotten items to my son's family. We probably reduced everything by 50%...I know I could have done better but it was a decent start. There is still a giant playhouse filled with stuff covered with a very large sheet in the room but the closet is clean.  I hated to get rid of all my toys because I have young friends with small children that come over to visit....I know excuses, right?

This has been hard, but I am trusting God

Read this today from "Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges

"God has an over arching purpose for all believers to conform us to the likeness of His Son, Jesus Christ (see Romans 8:29) He also has a specific purpose for each of us that is His unique tailor made plan for our individual life (see Ephesians 2:10) And God will fulfill that purpose. As Psalm 138:8 says "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me" because we know God is directing our lives to an ultimate end and because we know He is  sovereignly able to orchestrate the events of our lives toward that end, we can trust him. We can commit to Him not only the ultimate outcome of our lives, but also all the intermediate events and circumstance that will bring us to that outcome"  page46

The Long Goodbye

I had been counting the days till they left in my head, so many times the last couple to weeks. I was dreading it, I wanted the day to be done at the same time wishing it would never come.

My son and grandchildren left last week, van fully loaded, headed to North Dakota. The goodbyes were hard, I knew they would be, but the days leading up to their departure were so busy that I barely had time for tears.

I have already talked to them, they arrived yesterday, safe and sound and thrilled to be reunited with their momma.There are still evidences of their presence all around our home, lego aircraft on the mantle, baby dolls forgotten, hair bows in the car, a ball cap in the room over the garage. Things I will be packing up to send to them.

The plan is for them to be back in the summer (mom's a school teacher) and we hope to be able to visit as well...going to need a "real" winter coat for that visit.  They are hoping to get internet so we can do "face time" and there is the phone, but it won't be the same.

I thought I would be a mess, but God has given us a peace that defies explanation.

With the children gone we will have more time, it will be a new season for us. I told a friend a few weeks ago that if our family left, I felt the Lord would fill the void with something else, he has (never saw that coming either but more about that in a later post)

I am going to miss those sweet little faces, but I am trusting that God has a purpose and a plan for all of us. Keeping eternity in view as we walk this journey.

                 

A Different Kind Of Summer

The last several weeks have been a blur for us, the days all seeming to run in together.  The dust is finally beginning to settle a bit and a new "normal" is beginning to shape up.

It's been a different kind of summer, with events coming at us so quickly, I have felt as if I was in a raging sea being overwhelmed by wave after wave of problems that I had no control over. We didn't know what the next day was going to look like and to say we had to hold any plans loosely was an understatement.

Let me give you a glimpse of what has been happening

It started with news that my sister was seriously ill and in the hospital, then before she was even discharged we received another call from my MIL that FIL was very ill, and we needed to come right away. We ended up making three road trips thru the mountains over a period of three weeks, driving a total of 2500 miles. Two different states, two separate crisis. We also learned during that time period that our son and DIL were hoping to make a move across country, if they could both secure jobs. Finally, there was the news that facility that Sweet Lady resides in will be closing and we will need to find her a new place to live.

Anyone of these issues alone would be difficult to handle, but all together has been more than I can manage. It's a hard place to be in, but a good place to be at the same time. We have had to trust the Lord in so many different things, not really understanding the why's of everything that is going on but knowing that He is in control and has a purpose and a plan. His strength made perfect in our weakness.

I was reminded by a dear friend, of mine of a comment I made at a ladies group several weeks ago. (prior to all of this happening) We were talking about faith. I had said that as I have gotten older my faith has grown stronger because I have seen God's faithfulness in past trials. It has built my faith for future difficulties.... I really didn't think I was going to have to put my words into action, so quickly and in such a dramatic way.

I wish I could say I have walked full of faith during this time, I have not. Anxiety, fear, doubt, grief, anger and selfishness are just some of the emotions that have plagued me these last few weeks. The Lord has been faithful though, he always brings me back to the truth of His word.

Things have settled "a little". After three weeks our suitcases are now unpacked, and we have been able to do a few normal household things besides laundry and dishes. Sister is better, but there is still a multitude of problems that in some way continues to effect all the family members. FIL has passed but leaves a 92 year old widow with little to no local support, at a days drive away we are the closet family. Son and DIL are still trying to move across country and Sweet Lady still needs to be moved but it looks like we have a place for her to go, at least for the time being.

I feel like it's been an "even if "month. I feel like the spirit has been asking me the "even if" question with so much of what is going on. Will you still praise me even if.......schedules get interrupted, kids move away, family dynamics never change etc.  Am I all that you need, am I enough?

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior  Habbakkuk 3:17-18

July Moments

It's hard to put in words what July has been for us, these photos tell some of the story

July was about family, those close and those far away

There were moments of laughter and tears

It was about trusting God

Much grace was poured on us through it all, the Lord has been faithful in so many ways

It was the month we said good-bye  to my father-in law

This photo was taken July 2010, it represented three generations, my father-in-law, my husband and sons. 

 

Liking with Cheryl in Gathering the Moments