Thursday, September 30, 2010

A New Normal

Things have calmed down a bit. The flurry of doctor appointments have slowed down, no more tests for now, life settling back into it's usual routine. Things really aren't the same though and not sure they ever will be again. Once cancer interrupts your life you have a new normal. You may not be thinking about it all the time but it is now part of who you are. Even after treatment, it will always be in the back of my mind, kind of like a shadow following me. It's sad, but I look at things differently now . Don't sweat the small stuff has a whole new meaning. There is so much stuff in my life that used to bother me, that just doesn't seem that important anymore. I do believe that trials have a purpose designed by God. Although I am only just beginning this journey I am already seeing things in a different light and I am leaning more and more on the Lord for my strength. So there is change already. We have been through "deep waters" before and each time the Lord has met us in our time of need.Each time we came out different people than we were before the trial. It builds your faith for the next time you find yourself in "deep waters"
I have set the Lord always before me, because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken Psalm 16:8

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Today I am just thankful for the many blessings in my life. For all the people God has put in our lives that are loving us, encouraging us, caring for us during this time. I am overwhelmed at the outpouring of support. I am thankful for the blessed distraction of grandchildren.  They spent the evening with us tonight, they are such a joy, for a couple of hours I didn't have to think about anything but enjoying them. Grateful for days like today!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Decision made

A good day, decision made. I am going to go ahead with bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. I had been going back and forth all week trying to make a decision. Confused, worried about over reacting, trying to make the best, the smart decision. What I found out is there really is no "right " decision, it's a personal decision, different for every woman. I did not like the idea of frequent MRI's, ultrasounds, mammograms, being watched closely. Worrying about what the next test would show. I want to move forward as best I can. I have made the call, I guess I just wait now as everything is put in motion. I have a peace that has surprised me, such a contrast from the turmoil I have felt all week. I have many people praying for us and that means everything. Thankful for the support of friends and family. People who will remind me of God's truth when I am tempted to despair. It has been a good day!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Journey Begins

Wow, hard to know where to start. I was diagnosised with breast cancer one month ago. Seems like an eternity. Days filled with doctors appointments, tests and waiting. The waiting has always been the hardest. My cancer was found coincidently. I was sent to a surgeon for a biopsy after my mamogram and ultrasound showed what turned out to be a cyst. After the cyst was drained in the surgeons office they did another ultrasound and found the cancer. Must have been hiding by the cyst. To this day I am thankful for that cyst and the ultrasound tech who found the cancer. Without her diligence and attention to detail I may still be walking around with the cancer never being the wiser. With diagnosis cames more testing, areas of interest in the other breast. Biopsies of those areas were inconclusive, surgeon now wants to do excisional biopsy to those areas. I am weary, think I am done. I just want this behind me, not sure I want to do anymore biopsies. I have to make decision soon. Tomorrow I see the plastic surgeon. Much to be thankful for. The Lord sustains me day by day and he has positioned many people in my life to walk this journey with us. This whole thing has given me a new perspective on life, on what is important and what is not, I hope I never lose that. That is a gift not everyone is blessed with.