Recovering

I am on the other side of surgery and am thankful it is done. I had a peace filled weekend and slept fairly well the night before. My biggest problem, my check in was 11am. Long morning, tried to quiet my spirit by reading the Word but had a hard time concentrating, was distracted. My mind racing, seeing all the little things that I "needed" to do before surgery, I ended up jumping up and down, picking up this, cleaning that, trying to get everything perfect before I had to leave. Felt like I was spiraling downward, knew I was on the wrong track, husband also noticed, sat down with me and prayed. Prayed again for peace and thanked the Lord for how he had sustained us. Left for the hospital, check in went smoothly, but when they called me back and took my vitals, it was obvious the morning had taken it's toll because my blood pressure was up to 170/100.  I got a little emotional at that point, fearful they wouldn't do the surgery because pressure so high, nurse asked me what was making me so anxious and I recanted all that had happened with the anesthesia last time I had surgery. The nurses and anesthesiologist were so kind and reassuring, never minimizing my concern. Realized I was more fearful of the anesthesia than I  was of surgery. When my surgeon came in, asked him if the pressure would be a problem and he said no. Did not want to focus in on it too much prior to going into to surgery because he felt anxiety driven. Checking it too frequently would start a vicious cycle, felt I would be anxious about pressure being high when taken and that anxiety would actually keep it high. They would be checking my blood pressure while I was under anesthesia and could address it then if needed, but the surgeon told my husband once I was under, my pressure was fine.  Recovery went better, I actually remembered it this time, nurses again wonderful. Since home I have been less sick and groggy than I was after my mastectomy, I am grateful for that, movement much easier. I do have an incision in my navel, and a sore abdomen, they did some fat transfer, better that I didn't remember there was a possibility that was going to happen. Lord provided for us so well again, I still battled with fear and trust. Continued to attempt to lean on my own strength and understanding, instead of trusting God.  I know that God is sovereign and that no circumstance can frustrate his purpose for my life, really I know that, do I always respond like I really believe it? No, but God's not finished with me yet and he is faithful to finish the work he has begun in me

"The Lord will fullfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever, do not abandon the works of your hands"  Psalm 138:8

Recounting Our Many Blessings

Surgery is tomorrow and I am ready. Lots of folks praying. We had a full weekend, busy with friends, they are all gone now. I napped with my little grand daughter on my lap this afternoon, we slept together in the recliner. Evening has been low key, decided to have some sushi for dinner, one of my favorite meals. Thinking back over the last several months, remembering all the Lord has done, the circumstances in which my cancer was found, how he protected me during the last surgery, how he brought just the right people into our lives, people that have been walking along side encouraging, praying. The Lord has been so faithful, in so many ways, too many to list. I have been thinking of all of this tonight, feeling very blessed and very thankful. My heart is at rest tonight, it is at peace and I am ready for tomorrow.

 

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal"  Isaiah 26:3-4

The Gift of Distraction

We are Empty Nester's and our home is usually pretty quiet, but because of various circumstances we will have a full house this weekend. This was just the motivation we needed to get some household chores done, things we needed to do before surgery. Last weekend friends had asked if they could stay with us because they had a family event to attend in town. Always enjoy their visits, no problem We knew at the time our youngest son would also be coming home for  couple of weeks for some work opportunities. We then received a call from a young man who had lived with us while he was in grad school, seems a friend of his is getting baptized at our church this weekend. He was coming down, could he possibly stay with us? We had to smile when the last call came in, we knew God was orchestrating all of this, the timing could not have been more perfect. I have been so busy preparing for every ones arrival today I haven't even  thought about the surgery. Our weekend is well taken care of, we have a house full of family and friends..and did I mention three dogs! Great fun! Lots of time to encourage each other, share some meals together, play some games and just enjoy being together. What a wonderful gift the Lord has given us....and again the timing couldn't have been more perfect!

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing"  Zephaniah 4:17

Trust

I am getting things ready for surgery next week. Yesterday was my last day of work for awhile and could not have been a busier week. Found out yesterday I was not eligible for FMLA this time because I did not work the required hours last year, had a little something to do with the fact that I was off seven weeks last fall.....no problem, my supervisor approved a non-FMLA medical leave of absence and I am done. No paperwork to file or followup on, really a blessing in disguise. The big question has been, so how long will you be out? I really did not have an answer. This has been my dilema for the past couple of weeks. I want to know how long this recovery is going to be. I asked my plastic surgeon last week and all he was able to tell me was, it won't be as bad of recovery as the mastectomy and you won't have drains. Well in my need to control my life this answer was not adequate, sorry, I wanted to know exactly, give me a time frame. My next step, the internet, I figured I would just "google" "recovery from exchange surgery" and see what would come up. This was a big mistake, I found everything from quick recoveries no problems, to horror stories, and of course, everything in between. Now I am not saying don't be informed but, I was "camping out" there and all it was doing was sowing seeds of anxiety. Then I listened to a podcast the other day, and to be honest I don't remember who was speaking, but the topic was on responding to "life events" and how our response to these events can depend on "what trough you are feeding from" The trough I had been feeding from the last several days was the internet, in an effort to know what to expect after surgery. My need to know the details wasn't helping me one bit, in fact I was worse than when I started. I felt the Lord just telling me to trust him, reminding me that he is in control, I am not, nor do I need to be. Can you imagine if we really knew all the details of everything ahead of us, I would probably be a basket case. No, we have a loving Father who gives us what we need when we need it, not going to give us more than we can bear and he is always by our side. Control and trust..you would think that I've been around this mountain enough times that they would no longer be issues but they are. I am still learning, the Lord still shaping and refining me, thankfully still changing me.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"  Romans 15:13

Carpe Diem

Seize the day, make the most of every opportunity that presents itself. Hold plans loosely, be willing to change plans when an opportunity presents itself. Don't be bound by routine, be sensitive to the leading of the spirit, make relationships a priority. These are things we have learned these last several months. Things that we thought were important.... not so important anymore. What does this look like in our lives...well working less, husband and I make plans to spend time together instead of just letting it happen, house is not as clean because I would rather go to lunch with a friend, grand kids welcome anytime....we adjust our schedules if needed. The days I work, well my schedule is pretty much set then, but there can still be opportunities in the work place, an opportunity to listen, to encourage, to be a light. Life for any of us can change in a moment and we need to live our life with this perspective. Don't wait for the someday...seize the day...make a difference today.

"Now listen, you who say, Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money. Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes"  James 4:13-14