Recovering

I am on the other side of surgery and am thankful it is done. I had a peace filled weekend and slept fairly well the night before. My biggest problem, my check in was 11am. Long morning, tried to quiet my spirit by reading the Word but had a hard time concentrating, was distracted. My mind racing, seeing all the little things that I "needed" to do before surgery, I ended up jumping up and down, picking up this, cleaning that, trying to get everything perfect before I had to leave. Felt like I was spiraling downward, knew I was on the wrong track, husband also noticed, sat down with me and prayed. Prayed again for peace and thanked the Lord for how he had sustained us. Left for the hospital, check in went smoothly, but when they called me back and took my vitals, it was obvious the morning had taken it's toll because my blood pressure was up to 170/100.  I got a little emotional at that point, fearful they wouldn't do the surgery because pressure so high, nurse asked me what was making me so anxious and I recanted all that had happened with the anesthesia last time I had surgery. The nurses and anesthesiologist were so kind and reassuring, never minimizing my concern. Realized I was more fearful of the anesthesia than I  was of surgery. When my surgeon came in, asked him if the pressure would be a problem and he said no. Did not want to focus in on it too much prior to going into to surgery because he felt anxiety driven. Checking it too frequently would start a vicious cycle, felt I would be anxious about pressure being high when taken and that anxiety would actually keep it high. They would be checking my blood pressure while I was under anesthesia and could address it then if needed, but the surgeon told my husband once I was under, my pressure was fine.  Recovery went better, I actually remembered it this time, nurses again wonderful. Since home I have been less sick and groggy than I was after my mastectomy, I am grateful for that, movement much easier. I do have an incision in my navel, and a sore abdomen, they did some fat transfer, better that I didn't remember there was a possibility that was going to happen. Lord provided for us so well again, I still battled with fear and trust. Continued to attempt to lean on my own strength and understanding, instead of trusting God.  I know that God is sovereign and that no circumstance can frustrate his purpose for my life, really I know that, do I always respond like I really believe it? No, but God's not finished with me yet and he is faithful to finish the work he has begun in me

"The Lord will fullfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever, do not abandon the works of your hands"  Psalm 138:8