Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
On another note appointment with plastic surgeon went well. He asked me if I wanted to talk about when the exchange surgery would be....ahh no.... (As Scarlett O'Hara would say, "I can't think about that right now. If I do I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow") I am still a few months out, his response to me was...that's fine we can think about it when you come back to see me in January. I did find out the pain with expander's perfectly normal...sorry...continue with Advil. Urinary tract is resolving, blood pressure back to normal, more med changes...last doctor appointment this week will be to see if corneal ulcer healed yet. Having to continue to deal with all this physical stuff helps me see my weakness, helps me realize my abilities have their limits....forces me to trust/lean on the Lord for my strength....so there has been good that is coming from all of this....it's all a matter of perspective.
"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect" Psalm 18:32
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all"
2 Corinthians 4:17
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Well tomorrow was the day I was supposed to go back to work and because of the trouble with my eye I felt it best to delay my return, at least until after I see the eye doctor tomorrow. I had actually gotten to the point where I was ready, so this has been pretty frustrating. I think if there was any word that could describe my mental state the last few days it would be discouraged. I think it.s all about expectations...... my expectations are not being met....plain and simple! I expected to be at a certain point physically by this time. I could see the frustrations playing out in how my husband and I were relating to each other yesterday....not always pretty. I have been through so much, I saw first hand God's faithfulness, his care for me.....the only thing that has changed is my situation...... he has not changed! Obviously I still have an agenda, I am not trusting God, still leaning on my own understanding. So what's next.....not really sure. Doctor should be able to tell me something tomorrow, will know if I will be able to go back to work anytime soon. The scripture the Lord keeps bringing to my memory is this...Be still and know that I am God....I need to stop fretting, worrying about what tomorrow will bring and just focus on what His "truths" are. Drawing nearer to Him
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Next stop was my eye doctor, he wanted to take a look how te eye was progressing, and things were looking worse instead of better, they wanted me to go right over to see a specialist...today. As I was driving over to see this doctor I was feeling so discouraged. Things were starting to settle down, falling into a routine again...now this. The doctor took some cultures, did some more scrapings, gave me more antibiotic drops and have another followup appointment tomorrow. So in addition to a corneal ulcer, there is some type of infection. My sight in that eye is blurry, praying it does not get worse.
I really never asked God "why me" when I was diagnosised with breast cancer. I struggled with fear and anxiety but never asked why I got cancer. I am weary from that battle and I did find my self asking why tonight, not about the cancer, but why do I have to deal with this eye issue, I was looking forward to some calm waters for a little while. I am thankful the pain is not as bad as it was Tuesday but I am discouraged tonight, praying that this respond to the medications and this will just be a little bump in the road. I am just tired, but I need to remember that I am not in this battle alone.