Friday, August 26, 2011

Taking a Moment to Reflect

I knew I could not let this day pass. Despite all preparations for the coming storm my thoughts also go back to the events of a year ago today, the day I was diagnosised with breast cancer
We went to the surgeon hopefully optimistic, I had no family history, no risk factors. The appointment started off well, they did another ultrasound, the tech talked about what I could expect next, I didn't pay much attention, this wasn't going to have anything to do with me.

The surgeon did a needle biopsy of the non calcified lesion that showed up on my mammogram, it immediately collapsed, a good sign, meant it was fluid filled, probably not cancer. They went out of the room to look at the films again. When he came back his demeanor had changed. There was another area that had not showed up on the mammogram that showed up on ultrasound the tech had just done. He did a second needle biopsy on that area, results would be in a couple of days. My husband said he knew when we left the office that day what the results were going to be

God was able to use the events of the last year to show me my heart. I saw that I was putting my trust in things other than God in many cases. Idols in my heart that I didn't even know were there. One of my continuing struggles, is to let go of those idols that I want to cling to. In my life I had put a high value on physical health, if honest, I cared more for my physical health than my spiritual health.

I still have to ask myself, is God enough even if my physical limitations remain, or if my cancer returns or..... you fill in your on blank. Will he be enough for you even if your circumstances never change. Can you still have that peace and joy only he can provide. We all have to get to that place and its a daily journey.

Our lives are full of storms, literally like the one that has us in it's bullseye and metaphoracally things  like illness, financial hardship, difficult relationships, wayward children. If you have ever stood on a beach you know as the waves come in they pull the sand from under your feet. Lifes a lot like that too if you are not standing on a firm foundation. Are you standing on that rock? Are you clinging to something besides Jesus? Is he all you need?


Trisha said...

Maryann, Beautiful and wise words, my friend. There's nothing like illness or loss to show us where we're really putting out trust. These past months have reinforced that so much for me.

BTW, it seems like you live only about 20 minutes from where I grew up! My family members are facing that same storm. Praying for you, too, as you prepare for this storm, the literal one expected and any others that might come, too.

Much love.

Kathy ... better known as Nana said...

How profound ... and oh so true. Thanks so much for the timely reminder.

I'm not sure where you are in Irene's path, but I prayed for you and your family this morning on my way to work. {{hug}}

Petra said...

Powerful post! God will faithfully show us again and again that where our trust must be. Still praying for your safety in this storm!

Farm Girl said...

Thanks for sharing about that. I think what you said about idols and wanting physical health more that spiritual health is so true. I think I am the same way and I know the reason God allows trials for me is because I start caring about all of the other things more than I desire a right relationship with Him.
I am glad you are better and I will pray that your cancer stays in remission.
Thanks for sharing your heart.

no spring chicken said...

I pray everyday that the Lord would show me my heart and clean me up... Yours was/is a hard road. But He is on the throne and He is just and perfect love. He has a place prepared for us... No matter what. I'm thankful that you are where you are right now and pray that there is no more... I pray that no matter what the circumstance, I'll stand firmly on the Rock.

Blessings, Debbie

camp and cottage living said...

Where the rubber meets the road, it's all about our relationship with the Lord.
And you have expressed it so eloquently. I still like pretties and stuff, but find it really has so much less to me these days.
I pray you will stay in remission.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Thus far, sister-warrior, the Lord has helped us. Tomorrow, he will do the same. I don't know about you, but one of the rich gifts given to me in my cancer season has been the gift of being able to live within a 24 hour time frame.

I no longer look much beyond today, and that really is a freeing, beautiful gift of grace!

So glad to share in your life, even if separated by miles. Live it like you mean it.


teacupsandpoodles said...

So glad I found your blog! This is a beautiful post. Many blessings sent your way.