Friday, March 25, 2011

The New Me?

I have been exceptionally emotional lately, starting shortly before my last surgery. I have had more "moments" or "melt downs" in the last two weeks than I have had since my diagnosis, they come without warning, triggered by seemingly everyday occurrences or mundane conversations. I am the type of person who will get misty eyed watching a Hallmark commercial, so tears not unusual for me but this is getting ridiculous, makes me wonder ..."who is this person and how long is she planning to stay"?

Looking at  pictures will make me misty eyed, talking about certain things will make me weepy, and my lastest "meltdown"...that came when I went into the lingerie department, all the poor sales lady did was ask if she could help me.

My husband, has been such a blessing, he encourages, he validates my feelings, he listens to me. I feel bad for him, he has been such a wonderful support through all of this, but I know it has been hard for him too. Make no mistake cancer doesn't just effect the person diagnosised, but all who love that person.

The last several months I have been in crisis mode. My focus had been on just getting through each day. Get through one surgery, deal with side effects from meds and mastectomy, stay well enough to get to reconstruction. Now that the last surgery is over the emotional impact of everything that has happened has hit....hard! I guess I should have expected it but I didn't....not sure how long it will last...but I think it is part of the process.

I know I am blessed, that is not even in question, even thinking about how the Lord has met us during the last several months brings me to tears. Overwhelmed by God's faithfulness and the many people he put in our lives. 

Family and friends beware, emotions spilling over without warning...it's nothing you said or did...really!

"Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll, are they not in your record"  Psalm56:8 


nancyspoint said...

I know what you mean about those meltdowns. I seem to have them as part of my processing. Just had another one myself the other evening as I was trying to come to grips with my next upcomimg surgery. And you are so right, a cancer diagnosis affects our significant other almost as much as it does us.

Maryann said...

Sorry to hear you have more surgery ahead of you. I am four weeks out from my latest. Emotions still fragile but like you said part of process.