Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Fighting for Joy

Progress continuing, slow but sure. Range of motion improving in my arms, stamina improving day by day and able to do more for self . My left arm is not making as quick of progress as my right arm. Having swelling, pain and numbness down to the back of the upper arm. Range of motion not as good on that side either. Saw surgeon yesterday for routine followup. He said they had a hard time finding sentinel node on the left so more manipulation done on that side, thus the swelling, numbness from nerve irritation, may get better may not. Instructed me to watch for any signs of lymphadema. Gave me some things to do to help. I left office feeling annoyed that this was an issue. I wanted a smooth post-op recovery. I spent most of the day in a bad mood, totally focused on these new issues. Going down a "rabbit hole" as my husband said, and trying to take him with me. It took me until today before the Lord showed me I was tying my happiness/joy into how I thought I should progress. My joy cannot depend on complications or lack of, prognosis, treatment plan or how I feel my day is going in general. As a child of God my joy should not depend on my circumstances. My joy comes from within.

"Joy in trials says I'm going to find a way to trust Him even though I am not seeing Him" James McDonald

Instead of focusing on what is not going the way I think it should, I need to focus on the great gift that I have. He is with me in all my trials, he is the shade at my right hand, he knows what I am dealing with, again this has not taken him by surprise and he will give me the strength to walk thru whatever I have to walk thru. When I focus on His promises instead of what I am dealing with my with my perspective changes. Another reason to draw closer to Him.
"When anxiety was great within me your consolation brought joy to my soul"  Psalm 94:19

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